A strategy I used for survival was “Zip your mouth up, Lex and do not challenge others”.
It's standard for me to think differently to the herd and finally, I’m comfortable with that after a lifetime of feeling like a lost, undercover martian.
To survive in a world where I viewed it different to the majority, I nodded in agreement, smiled sweetly, and adapted to ‘others’ worlds, for a quiet life.
I was afraid to speak for various reasons:
- I did not want to offend others by thinking differently to them.
- I was also afraid of being called stupid, which I heard many times.
This silencing was emphasised during my 12 years in domestic violence, and I leant to keep ‘zipped’ to avoid getting a smack in the mouth. I live in peace now and no one shames me for having a different opinion or hits me for saying something different. I feel fortunate.
What I write about may piss people off, it’s not my intention, but speaking what from the heart is important to me, its unlikely to get me a huge following, which is fine I'm not here for claps and validation.
Reactive mocking towards those who do not agree with us appears to be a norm carried out by those we consider intelligent.
The keyword in social media this week has been ‘stupid’. I have got to hand it to you, Donald Trump. You are an influencer for sure.
I’m metaphorically nailing myself to the cross here. Please, feel free to whip me, I’ll bend over if you ask politely.
To be clear, I’m taking Coronavirus seriously. Im self-isolating with a modest amount of food and loo roll. In truth, isolation so far hasn’t been a challenge for me.
I avoid people out of the context of work, for sanity. I don’t have small children at home and have a garden to access fresh air, I can’t complain.
I’m in deep consideration for the poor fuckers living in poor cramped housing, and the vulnerable souls trapped knee-deep in domestic abuse.
Im bearing in the mind the widening hole of poverty in society and the fact that many homeless human beings die on the streets every year, what do we do? Not much at all.
We throw ’em a few quid, take a picture for social media and revel in the love hearts. This situation has shown, that when we want to make a change, we can when forced. Maybe this is a seed for societal change.
It’s sad to observe the cruelty spewed towards each other, for not sharing the same political opinion. I’m sure many people don’t understand the severity of the situation. Yet weirdly this situation has brought many of us closer to the people we’ve ignored: the homeless human beings.
It is difficult to understand why someone would buy 100 rolls of toilet paper or ignore government advice when it seems so clear, that selfish behaviour during a crisis leads to disaster. I understand the fear and anger of those flaunting around markets and parks oblivious to the severity of the virus to society.
I believe overall people are inherently good and people act in ways that do not serve society, I wonder what motivates them, instead of scolding their skin with shame.
I was in my early 20s when 911 happened. I vaguely recall the shock within society, I was oblivious. I had nothing and lived in a war zone. What was happening outside of my home, made no difference to me. I didn’t give a shit because society was shit to me.
It’s likely I would have carried on wandering around with my children oblivious to the danger, I was disconnected from you all.
If you scalded me, I would have probably spat in your face. Why? Society had abandoned me and you were part of that. Back then, life was 100% shit. I suspect some of you can relate to this nihilism.
Alongside my venom towards society, I held a silly belief, crafted from various life experiences, that I was “invincible”. The combination was dangerous and naive.I suspect many of the people who’ve ignored the new rules for social isolation are desperate, they might be suffering from mental health issues, possibly suicidal, in disbelief, or wounded by society and carrying “I don’t give a fuck” as a protective shield.
The hypocrisy troubles me. It was only a few weeks ago, social media warriors were furiously posting copied and pasted status’s screaming, BE KIND! That kindness had a short time on social media’s stage when fear tapped on the stage door. Fear hijacked the show and kindness ran faster than the virus.
On the flip side, the do’ers are doing and probably being shamed by the pointy finger crew, for buying several bags of rice. If only ‘pointy finger crew’ had enquired instead of assuming. I’m not daft, I know some folk have just been absolute piglets and snaffled every potato from Tescos for themselves and many of those tatties will be in the bin rotten.
The celebration of the NHS last night was beautiful, I love stuff like this and cry with joy towards collective kindness. Yet I felt a strange discomfort towards the clapping of hands, I wondered what was being communicated here?
Are we celebrating a government that allows hard-working genuine people to work, unprotected, with unsafe staffing levels, earning shit money, are we clapping for that?
I know society’s intention was towards the brilliant NHS staff, but they deserve more than a fucking clap, they deserve a pay increase and better working conditions. Was our collective clapping metaphorically putting health workers arms up their backs with the subtle message, ‘it’s down to guys, save us’!! Cough, Carry on regardless, chaps.
Why didn’t we shout from our windows asking for the NHS to be protected, while dealing with a highly infectious virus and potential mass death?
The fickleness of society will quickly shelf the NHS back on the shit pile. We will collectively creep back into a cosy state of comfort, snorting materialism, j and judging with pointy fingers at others for their differences.
Give it a couple of months we will be back to moaning how shit it is to get a GP appointment.
I’ve lived hand to mouth and had many times without toilet paper and luxury items. I didn’t realise my past life in poverty would give me resilience in the future. I genuinely hope this passes quickly for us all, I am sorry for those suffering and sorry for the many who have died, and those left behind.
I’m sorry for those who haven’t lived without, comfort and security, I know you’re dealing with the fear of losing everything you know and facing nothingness.
That’s probably quite scary if you haven’t felt it before but trust me calling people stupid is unlikely to stop that.
- ● I hope we develop deeper compassion and a wiser understanding of others.
- ● I hope we become curious about each other’s world views.
- ● I hope we develop a sense of unity instead of duality.
- ● I hope we learn to be kinder and more considerate
- ● I hope we find a way to rethink our values collectively.
Is this an invitation to reconsider our warrior driven need to rescue the planet and everything within it? Maybe our need to master everything is getting out of hand.
- People are living longer than before, thanks to medicine,
- People are having children who wouldn’t have been able to, thanks to medicine.
- People are surviving life-threatening illness’s, thanks to medicine.
I often wonder if our well-intended need to save everything is screwing up the balance, of an intricate process we really do not understand?
I’m seriously considering what I’m doing here, are you?
Love Alexia x
